Friday, December 3, 2010

Alright girls...

I felt it was time for this, I'm sorry it's not a picture, and it may not be pleasant or what you want to hear but I think it's important so try not to ignore it.

I've been seeing many rants and complaints lately from Marine Girlfriend's, about other girls with civilian boyfriends. They usually go on like:
"You have no idea what missing someone is like"
"You have no clue what true love really means"
"You don't know what it is to be strong, to go spend so much time alone"
"boo hoo. You can't see him for a few days." 

Girl's I have to say, I'm slightly disappointed. There's some love missing in us as well.

Maybe they haven't been through what we've been through, or what we're about to go through. They don't have someone directly risking their lives for a country of strangers. But that doesn't mean they don't have the right to miss their boyfriends, or complain about missing their boyfriends who they haven't seen in a day or two.

We of all girls should know, the second he lets go, our hearts ache.

Why should we think we have more right to complain than they do? Because we will be apart from our men longer? Girls, if anything, we may have less to complain about and more to be thankful for. A strong relationship. A true love that fears none. True, physical as well as metal and emotional sacrifice.

 Instead of complaining about their complaints, why can't we be happy for them? They have a man they're in love with as well, that they get time with. They've been put in two different environments.

When your man is here, do you miss him every second, hour, and day you can't have together?
And when he's not here, don't you miss every day, week, and month?

Friday, September 17, 2010

Almost there

A few more hours until he is officially a United States Marine.

How do i feel: Amazing.

I'm not sure I've ever been more proud of anyone in my entire life, as much as I am proud of him.
It's been a long 12 weeks. But it's shorter than it seems. I lie not.
The worst part is something that re-occurs very often through these three months, and that is the realization that you may be seeing him soon, but he's not coming back. Once he leaves, that's him leaving. When he comes home it's just for a visit. A 10 day leave. A 2 day leave. He's gone now.

And that is where the importance of living day by day comes in.
You can't look at everything at once. You can't. You'll kill yourself.
Little pieces at a time. That's the way.

As for me. I'm out of my one week countdown. Today I'm at 5 days :) I leave in 3 :D
He is so excited to see me that sometimes I feel as if he doesn't understand what's really going on.
OR he's already moved passed it and is just waiting for the next moment.

Which is what you have to do. Wait for that next moment. Live for the next hug. Live to love.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

If you're in love with him, it will all work out.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Special Type of Girl

Most of us know, it takes a special type of girl to be the girlfriend of a Marine (or wife for that matter).

But most of us also know that it is impossible to never break down crying on the floor.
So does that mean we aren't strong?

Sometimes I think girls get a twisted view of what it means to support him.
Being strong doesn't just mean smiling when you're hurting.
Or lying to him and saying everything's fine when it's not. Think about it. If anything, that's the opposite of support.
He knows your lying so you say it because you know he'll ask again. But why even try then?
In a relationship it's equal parts. And although he's away saving our butts, it doesn't mean you don't need support from him too. So you shouldn't even start those childish lies. I've learned that.

Supporting him doesn't mean you can't be sad when you see that couple holding hands.
Should you try to hold your chin up and carry on? Of course.
But you DO NOT beat yourself up about it. I'm learning that.

I've spent a lot of time recently, asking myself if I'm that special type of girl a Marine needs.
And I've learned that you just have to learn how to be. You have to TRY.
That word is bigger than we make it out to be.
Before he left for bootcamp, I broke down and told him how I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I was good enough to be a Marine's girlfriend. If I couldn't handle it myself, how could I support him too? But (as the amazing guy he is), he not only convinced me, but TAUGHT me: You have to try. When you've come this far, there's no reason to give up for "maybe's". "Maybe I'm not good enough", "Maybe we'll get hurt", "Maybe we won't work out".
Maybe's don't determine your life for you.

So then we were strong. We knew we had to try. And now that I'm alone it's hard. It's true, he isn't always here for me. And he won't be; he's busy! But he is when he can be. And so am I!

It's not if I'm that type of girl. It's that I am. Because I'm learning. Because I'm taking Every Day, one at a time. I'm TRYING. And yes, it does take the energy out of me.

But I love him. What wouldn't I give for him?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I believe out of all three letters I have received so far, I've cried during all three.
It's those moments where they say something and as your reading it you're imagining them saying it as they're sitting next to you. It hurts, but there are completely happy tears :) Painful, happy tears.

He says it's cold in the Squad Bay (where they sleep), but he likes his rackmate and the guy beside him.
They saw the sunrise during a 3 mile morning hike which apparently was beautiful (i can only imagine.)
He likes most of his drill instructors and explained their jobs.
However he's already hurt himself pulling a hamstring, and he's had some heat exhaustion, but he doesn't want to go to medical for fear of being dropped, which I understand.
So I'm just supporting him.
I've sent him a photo of myself and a little comic photo. Something to lighten the mood if he's down.
It's so difficult to know when somethings wrong through a letter. And when it takes ten days for a response... it's understandable why.

Yes, I said 10 days. From the time I send a letter, to the time I receive a letter obtaining to things mentioned in said first letter, the corresponding letters are about 10 days apart.
And yes, it is confusing. I've began to copy my own letters so I remember what I've said in which letter. That way I can look at mine as I read his, and I can mostly avoid repeating myself.
I can get a letter from him but it may have nothing to do with anything I've said that week. And everything to do with what I've said the previous week.

Oh yea, and I miss him. side feels empty.

Monday, July 19, 2010


I got a letter Sunday night when I got home from the week :)
I let out a little scream.
However upon reading it silently in my room, I began to cry. It hurt so bad. And made me smile so much.
It didn't make sense how anything could ever make you smile in happiness and cry in sadness all at once.

I'm proud to say he likes it there :)
It's the physical that he has trouble with mostly. Not the mental.
But he misses me :)
And I miss him :)

So I guess all that's left to do is wait.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Get Used to It

I'm starting to believe the hardest part about being the significant other to a man in the Military is this:
You have to learn how to get used to being with out them.
And doesn't that feel so shameful? Having to get used to being without the one you love.

But it must be done. Because you can't spend everyday for the next time you meet. Because, at least until you're married, every time you meet will end in a time he leaves. A week here and there, but it always ends in a "see you soon then".


I have his address now :)
I've already sent him 2 letters although I know I won't be getting one for a while yet.
I leave tomorrow for a week long trip with my church youth group, so if I do get a letter I won't get to open it until next Sunday, which makes me pretty sad. Oh well.
I've been following the online Training Matrix to see what he's up too, asking him if it's accurate or not.

Oh and I miss him.
So much.
But like I said, I guess the hardest part is knowing that there is no end, you just have to get used to it.

How do you get used to being without the one you are in love with?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

"Sometimes it's hard because I wish I could kiss you whenever I want".

This will be me soon enough

Snail Mail
Originally uploaded by {peace&love♥}

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


He called that night :) I don't know where he found the phone but he called. He said they were in South Carolina safely, stopped for a few minutes, and said he couldn't talk much. He started with "Guess who?" and it ended in "I love you". The best :36 second phone call I've ever gotten, and after it ended my heart lit up. And I found a few tears, but couldn't have felt more loved.

It's only been a day since I've seen him, and I'm already seeing how I took my cell phone for granted.
I can't tell him when someone makes me mad. Or when something funny has happened. Or when something serious has come up.
He's too busy for it anyways.

"He's getting a new life right now, leave a message in a week or two."

Monday, June 28, 2010


That was the hardest, and most rewarding thing I've ever had to do.
I refused to cry in-front of him. And I couldn't stop from smiling.

He's on a bus, on his way to Parris Island this very moment. Maybe he's already asleep. He'll be there at about 0100 tomorrow.
I won't get his address for at least a week.

And now he's off to his dream.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

2 and 1

There are no words to describe how much I miss him already, and I get to see him one last time tomorrow.

Friday I spent the evening with him. Mostly helping him clean his room out. He's trying to gather up his stuff and throw away what he doesn't want so his family can make his room into a guest bedroom. I found it so much fun :) Seeing things from his past, learning about him as a child up to where he is now. Such an amazing change.
I got to stay with is family that night.

Saturday we continued the cleaning but mostly set up for his graduation/going away party.
I got him a frame and had his friends sign the border to place his senior photo inside. I think he liked it ;)
I convinced my mom to let me stay over again :) I was taking every moment I could have

Sunday we went to church, out to lunch with his parents, and then finished up some things with his room and preparing him to leave. They're were some tears among friends and family.
His parents prayed with us, for Zack and even for me.
Then we took him to the recruiting office to drop him off and talk with the Staff. Sgt. and say goodbye. Tonight he'll sleep at the hotel and prepare to swear in once more tomorrow.

And I'll get to be there, hopefully to see him swear in. To say last goodbyes, hugs, and maybe a kiss or two ;)
I can honestly say it will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Maybe that makes me a wimp,  or weak, but it's the truth.
It's hard being the girlfriend. Spending time wondering what the last thing you'll say to him will be.
"I love you." I think that has got to top them all.
But I'd also like to tell him to think of me, to always remember to breathealways pray, and that I'll see him soon.

I doubt I'll be avoiding tears this time.


And so the number is 1, it's almost done. He's on his way to his dream.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


     I'll hopefully be spending the next three days with him, and you don't know how that makes me smile :)
I just keep telling myself: It's not like deployment. It's only 13 weeks. And they won't kill him.
You'd think I have nothing to be afraid of.
     I'm very committed to him, proud and excited for him, and I'm a little afraid.
Afraid to no longer have my best friend to get me through every day.
     I'll have to be stronger now. I'll have to grow up. I'll have to hear him in my mind and heart, telling me I can do it, and that theres nothing to be afraid of.

I miss him the day after I see him. So my summer will consist of imagining he's actually here.
I guess you do always have imaginary friends ;) But this time he's real.

3 days left. I can't believe I'm saying this.

5 but I should call this 4

I feel so undeserving of him and sometimes I feel like I'm a punishment to him. But for some odd reason, he loves me. And I love him. And I refuse to let that go.

I just want to smile. To remember that its not the downside of 13 weeks, it's the upside of always saying "I'll see you soon", because the truth is, no matter where they are, you'll always see them soon.

I've decided to end the "I'm fine"s. When someone you love asks you whats wrong and you say "I'm fine". That's lying, and I can't lie to him, its just not fair to lie to someone you love. I feel closer to him this way, we practically tell each other everything, so what's the point in hiding it when you both want to know anyways? You want to tell them and they want to hear. They love to hear it. They love to comfort you.
I love to comfort him. I hate hurting him.

So now its 5. 4 days left.
I think it's just not hitting me yet.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


My school "ends" tomorrow (i'm homeschooled), however I'll have to finish up some subjects during the summer, just lightly I hope. Maybe that'll keep me busy while he's gone.

From what I've been reading you have to keep yourself busy. That's the number one thing. Hopefully that'll be easy since I've never been bored except for car rides and in waiting rooms. And even then... However when I am bored I'm bored so bad I could cry, and with all the tears this Summer will hold, I can guarantee you I'll do my best to keep busy.

And so the days were 6.

P.s: I created this for you photo lovers:

Monday, June 21, 2010

8. 7.

I saw him at Church Sunday, but it didn't last long.
It's so hard to let go when you know the moments are almost gone.
And now I sound like a broken record.

Fathers day was good and I think my daddy liked it.
However it made me think a little bit about my own future. Sometimes I wish I knew how it was to work out, but I realize that if I knew this I'd mess it all up.

And now I'm  down to a week.
7 days short or 7 days long?

Friday, June 18, 2010


Some people say they think about their love a thousand times a day.
I only think about you once, and it lasts all day.

It brings me to tears thinking about how this will be his last week here and I'll hardly get to spend time with him.
It brings me to tears thinking about how I won't be able to just text him when something is killing me.
It brings me to tears knowing that I'll have to be strong now. I have to remember he's always here with me.


We spent the day together today with our two friends.
We went swimming and bowling which was a lot of fun. All day I just felt summer, and smiles, and his hand.
It's hard to imagine that I'll lose all those chances with him this summer. One year isn't so much when you get to the end of it. Then you realize all the times you should've said yes to things you thought were silly or meaningless.
If it involves someone you love, please hear me: It is NEVER meaningless.
And when you truly love them, you won't get bored. So don't ever say it might be boring. Take the chance when you get it. Take it.

9 days left. 

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Countdown - 10

I have a man that is 18 years of age and he is about to fulfill his dream. In ten days.

I am so proud of him, however there is already pain of knowing my best friend is about to leave me for 3 months.
I'm scared, while he's not allowed to be.
He's gonna be a Marine. Infantry of all he could've chosen.
He'll be one of the fewer and prouder people in our country. He'll fight for us every day. He'll have red white and blue blood running through his veins.

He leaves 6-27-10. We hit one year the day before. He will graduate 9-24-10.
I'll be waiting.

I'll be spending the day with him and our friends tomorrow :) But when we have to say goodnight, I know it'll be just one more day to count down to.